#52: Happy Birthday Respectful Smartass! 🥳
CELEBRATION & REFLECTION
Yoohoo, Party People!
Somebody roll out the cake so I can blow out the candles! Respectful Smartass is officially 1 year old!!!1!!1!!1!!!!1!
If you haven’t noticed, we got a birthday makeover! New logo. New banners and headers. And new in-email dividers you’ll see below. Tell us we look pretty!
After 74 issues and one whole calendar year, I’d like to take some time to reflect on the journey thus far and what Respectful Smartass means to me. (Buckle up. It’s gonna be a long one.)
My #1 goal with this newsletter was to write A LOT and write CONSISTENTLY. I have a bad habit of keeping promises to other people/jobs/schools/teams and breaking promises to myself. Respectful Smartass is helping me change that. I’m proud to say I didn’t miss a single issue in the first year. And I allowed myself a scheduled two-week break because keeping promises to myself doesn’t mean grinding all the time and not prioritizing rest. #growth
My #2 goal was to grow this newsletter into something that would financially support me while I pursued writing full-time. (I’m a young comic and aspiring screenwriter with big dreams to write TV, movies, books, and standup specials. But when you’re first starting out, you have to have a lot of material done before you get paid for it.) I’d need approximately 1,000 paid subscribers to make a decent, comfortable living ($50-60k annually). After year one, we’re still preeeeetty far from that goal, but we’ll keep truckin!
As of now, I’m focused on intentional, sustainable growth. Somehow there are HUNDREDS of you reading every week. Many of you I’ve never met. It’s still bonkers to me that strangers have any interest in what I have to say. Thank you for being here, and for what it’s worth, I’d like to be a little less strange to one another. Please respond to this email or introduce yourself in the comments below so I can say hi!
My fixation on growth this year was not always productive. Instead of channeling my anxious energy into research, networking, cross-posting, sponsorships, or social media marketing, I spent most of the time I wasn’t writing, obsessively refreshing my subscriber count. It was super fun reading into the subtle, undetectable, and likely nonexistent behavior of my subscribers, readers, and social media mutuals trying to determine why people were unsubscribing (or never subscribing in the first place). I took it all very personally, coming to the conclusion that those people hate me and my work and my whole existence. It was all super healthy. But the truth is, the couple dozen people who have unsubscribed (and the handful of people in my life who I hoped and expected to be readers but who never subscribed) are greatly outweighed by the hundreds of you who are here! reading! now! You glorious readers, you.
In the spirit of this subscriber cup half-full mentality, my goal for year two is to embrace the churn. I’d like to stop taking unsubscribes (and never subscribes) personally. I’m going to do my best to stop obsessing over the numbers. It rocks having my work read and building a community of readers, but I don’t want to tie the value of the newsletter to how many people read or how much money I make. (Even though I do literally need money to live. Gah!)
The real value of this newsletter has been my consistency. I’ve shown up for you lovely people, and myself, every week for an entire year. That is a very big deal for me! I wrote even when I didn’t feel like it and when I had nothing to say and when I didn’t feel funny. I ripped off the perfectionist bandaid again and again and again. Because most of the time, done is better than perfect. (And surprise! Only one of those is attainable anyway.) Over the past year, I’ve attuned to my voice. I’ve written what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it (as much as time and energy would allow). This space has truly become mine to play with. I don’t have an editor or style guide to report to. It’s just me out here making stuff. It’s daunting and cool and messy and rewarding.
Speaking of rewarding, a big goal I have for myself in year two is to stop feeling embarrassed about this work. Almost every time a reader brings up the newsletter to me in person, I cringe. Why?!? What is wrong with me?!! I am honored anyone reads Respectful Smartass at all, let alone wants to discuss or, god forbid, compliment it. Why do I act like I’ve plagued this sweet human who clearly enjoyed the newsletter for some reason or at least read enough of it to bring it up in conversation? I AM PROUD OF RESPECTFUL SMARTASS. I really am. And I’m proud of myself as its writer.
Candidly, there are some pieces I don’t love. The truth is, everything I’ve published here could be better — some much better than others — but that’s not the point. I’m not here to create weekly masterpieces. I’m here to create weekly. If you’ve enjoyed even one of these creations, I’m so glad. And if you love or like or even tolerate some part of it, please let me know. I promise to (try to) not be super awkward and self-deprecating and dumb about it. (Every kind word about the newsletter has gone into my gratitude journal the next day. Even if in person I was like, “omg noooo that was so bad.” It wasn’t that bad. And I’m really glad you liked it.)
In honor of this milestone and less self-flaggellation, I’d like to highlight some of the most loved pieces from Respectful Smartass’ first year. These include my personal faves and the ones my DMs and Substack data say you all liked the best. If you’re new to the ‘sletter, these are great archive picks to check out! (If you’re not new, these are great pieces to share with your friends!)
Our favorite short stories were Baby’s First Soul Cycle and Ari Drives to the City. (These were also the most fun to write.) The dream journal genre hasn’t made an appearance in a while, but the original BYOV got some love. (Reply to this email with your wacky dreams and I’ll write about/analyze them!) Satire faves included Woman Celebrates Birthday During Societal Collapse, My Swamp Ass Evolved into a Self-Sustaining Ecosystem, and of course the cross-country-move content classics: How to Plan a Stress-Free Move and How to Pack Up Your Entire Life in 72 Hours Because You Waited Until the Last Second Again, You Absolute Menace. One satire piece that I felt deserved more love was ChatGPT Renamed AI Mommy. On a similar note, the data for 7 Californian Wonders That Will Soothe Your Fear of Never Making It was shit, but several of you DMed to say you loved it so it deserves some props. We loved the classic quizzes to discover what types of pooper, road rager, and fall girly you are. And you had a soft side for the more personal stuff like What’s the Poop? (about my grandma and her friends) and Birth, Death, & Life in Between (about my dead dog — lol). Fave paid-only editions included a Love Letter to Taxes and my 22 Wins of 2022. There are more I’m proud of and think are deserving of shout-outs, but this list is getting ridiculous.
What was your favorite edition of the year? Please comment below, send it to a friend, or share it on social media! (Are there too many CTAs in this edition? Too bad! It’s a special day! I’ve earned being a nuisance!)
Heyo! We’ve got bespoke dividers now! Talk about #legit. This links section will house, you guessed it, links I think are deserving of your clicks. These will include any cross-promotions or sponsorships I run with other newsletters or brands. In addition to the generous contributions of paid subscribers, sponsorship links help keep this content free. And cross-promos with other newsletters help grow our audience so we can attract more paying subs, brands, etc. Plus, the more of us there are reading this, the more laughter we get to share across space and time and screens. Isn’t that neat?
This links section will also include links to stuff I just like and want you to click on independent of any sort of growth or monetary gain for the newsletter. Only good stuff! Don’t worry.
Speaking of good stuff, a couple of my writer pals have started their own Substack newsletters over the past year. I’m not saying I’m an inspiration or anything, but I am saying you should check them out!
Fellow funny woman and writer riding the DC to Cali pipeline, Anne McKenna, recently launched Anne Ruining Everything. If her first edition is any indication, you won’t want to miss out!
My ex-coworker, the writer/musician/creative extraordinaire Pres Maxson, also recently launched a namesake newsletter, PMax Substax. He writes books. He sings songs. He tells damn good stories. It’s sure to be a consistently good read!
Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for being here. Without you, the newsletter would be a shout into the void. And while I think shouts into the void can be worthwhile, it’s so much more fun shouting directly at you. Thanks for not plugging your ears.
If you would like to take your support for the newsletter and my work to the next level, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription. Annual and monthly plans are on sale for the rest of April. If you upgrade, you’ll get a year of Respectful Smartass for 25% off! That’s only $37.50 for annual members or $3.75/mo ($45 annually) for our month-to-month pals. If you’re feeling extra generous, founding members who pledge $75 or more for their annual membership will receive a special surprise in the mail! (Optional, of course. I’m not gonna take your money and force you to give me your address.) We’ll do a big reveal for the surprises in an upcoming edition.
Upgrading gets you access to biweekly paid posts including juicy personal essays, feel-good dopamine dumps, and ironic love letters to mostly inanimate things. Plus the full archive of paid posts from the newsletter’s first year! And it supports my time, effort, energy, and craft. I pour a lot into this work, and it’s my dream to one day make a living off of it. How often do you get to literally make someone’s dreams come true?! Today’s your day! Thanks in advance, fairy godmother/father/brother/sister/pal/person!!!
If you’re thinking, yeah yeah sounds nice but who do you think I am some kind of money bags?!, I totally get it. If you’d like access to all the paid posts and you can’t swing the financial contribution right now, reply to this email and I’ll comp your subscription. No questions asked.
If you’d like to support the newsletter without paying, please share it with three friends! Bonus points for sharing your favorite edition. :)
Whether you’ve been here since day one or you just joined us, it means the world to me that you’re here reading my words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
I’m feeling incredibly grateful and proud and excited for the adventure to continue. This is only the beginning!
ilysssssssssm <3
Ariana
What a lovely celebration, Ariana. Congratulations on completing one whole year of writing. Having HUNDREDS of readers is surely nothing tiny, it is a massive achievement. And an even bigger achievement is your consistency. Showing up consistently is step one to success!
My favorite edition was the one with your grandmother, I loved it so much! Thanks for sharing that sunny side of your life with us. I personally would love more positive and intimate stories about your life in one of the nicest cities in one of the nicest countries in this world! Maybe it is my hunger for all content American as a reader from India. 😀
I'm proud of you and can't wait to see as you grow in your expression and creativity in front of my eyes. I love Substack because it allows me to feel like a global citizen, and here I am, feeling like I know you, a complete stranger from thousands of miles away, living a completely different life than me. This is the real magic of writing. Honest and deep expression, combined with honest and deep engagement. And I look forward to much more of it.
All the best for many more years of sharing your life in your unique and gifted voice. Take care!