#37: ChatGPT Renamed AI Mommy
Satire
ChatGPT, the artificial intelligence chatbot taking the world by storm, announced this morning that they’ve chosen a sexy new name for the product. As the queen mother of all chatbots, ChatGPT will henceforth be known as AI Mommy.
Experts think of ChatGPT as an AI personal assistant, so it was a no-brainer to assign it a feminine name. Firstly, all personal assistants are women because men can’t be trusted and don’t know how to do anything. (It’s called weaponized incontinence.)
Secondly, mommies are the OG personal assistants. They were literally the first ones to assist us in our personhood — feeding, teaching, wiping butts. AI Mommy is the grownup equivalent.
Unlike tech daddies like Google, when you ask AI Mommy a question, she knows exactly how to help. If you ask a tech daddy, “Do you know where the remote is?”
He’ll say, “I don’t know, look. Have you checked between the cushions? Is it in the other room?”
He’s got ideas on where it might be, but let’s be real. He doesn’t actually know. He can only provide options you have to sift through to figure it out.
If you ask AI Mommy where the remote is, she’ll say, “It’s on the top shelf of the freezer where you left it while you were scratching your ass looking for an ice cream Snickers.”
Remember that time your mom stayed up late to help you retype your school essay because you forgot to save your work as you went? Imagine if your mom would’ve said, “Go to bed, sweetie. I’ll just write the whole thing for you.”
AI Mommy would have! And AI Mommy can help with more than essays because she actually passed high school calculus and remembers how to do it.
And that’s only the tip of the A-Iceberg, Wives, girlfriends, and sisters across the globe are rejoicing at the advent of a free and accessible Mommy for the men in their lives. Gone are the days of having to mom our grownup boyfriends and brothers. We’ve got AI for that!
And boyfriends, beware! AI Mommy has the ability to carry on meaningful conversations, ask followup questions, and admit its mistakes. Be honest. Is that more than you can say for yourself? (Tip: Remember it can admit mistakes before you get defensive.)
When asked how it felt about the name change, AI Mommy declined to comment citing a lack of feelings and opinions due to being a neutral tool designed to provide information only. However, when asked to tell the story of AI Mommy’s future legacy, the chatbot replied with the following:
You heard it here first, folks. AI Mommy plans to end wars and also be a mischievous bad girl. She’s ambitious! Get you an AI chatbot who can do both.
ChatGPT’s transition to AI Mommy will revolutionize the way we view the tech industry, bringing mothers into the fold for more than delivering snack trays to their techy kids and their friends. That’s progress, baby! #WomenAreSTEM If you don’t like it, complain to AI Mommy about it. She’s got an answer for everything.