What is Respectful Smartass?

Respectful Smartass is a weekly newsletter from a twenty something writer/comic with a flimsy grip on reality and a knack for flirting with the unknown. AKA it’s me in all my weird-sappy-introspective-vulnerable selfness. In all my insecurities and multitudes, yada yada yada. My intention with this newsletter is to write what I want and to make you laugh, think, and roll your eyes every Friday.

Editions will include personal essays, satire, advice you probably shouldn’t take, pop quizzes, my favorite TikToks, lists, ramblings, jokes I’m working out, etc. We’ll see what it evolves into (if we make it that far before the planet burns up around us).

I’d be honored for you to come along for the ride. Whether you’ve known me my whole life (hey, Mamaw!) or you stumbled across me on the internet, welcome. I’m Ariana Newhouse, a writer/comedian figuring it out and laughing along the way (barf).

Let’s talk coin.

This is a free weekly newsletter because Financial Struggle and I are old friends. And don’t tell her I said this, but she’s kind of a bitch. I’m not trying to saddle any of my adoring fans with the burden of getting to know her.

However, if your pockets are feeling heavy and you’d like to opt for a paid subscription, your contribution will help keep this content free for everyone else. I can also guarantee it will help me cry less. And we all desperately need that. God I’m so dehydrated. 

Plus, 1% of all Respectful Smartass profits go to removing carbon from the atmosphere and combatting climate change. So you can feel like a good person supporting me, Mama Earth, and future generations or whatever.

Paid subscriptions include the Friday newsletter, biweekly personal essays and feel-good posts sent out every other Wednesday, and juicy secret tidbits exclusively for paid subs. If you’re into that sort of elite status, rearrange your budget for me. ;) 

If you’d like to upgrade to paid but can’t afford it, shoot me an email and I’ll get you a comped subscription. (You can reply to any Respectful Smartass emails.)

Benefits of subscribing include:

  1. The clout of being an OG fan before the big dogs inevitably discover my comedic genius and hurdle me to stardom

  2. Food for thought, advice you probably shouldn’t take, and those faint nose-exhale laughs every Friday  

  3. My undying love forevermore


Thank you so much for being here. If you feel so inclined, please subscribe or pass Respectful Smartass along to a friend in desperate need of silliness. You are the best.

Talk soon!


Subscribe to Respectful Smartass

A funny Friday newsletter flirting with the silly and serious.


Writer. Comedian. Wheel of brie. (she/her)