#90: 21 Things I Did Yesterday Instead of Writing Like I Was Supposed To

HUMOR

1. Made a grand plan and excruciatingly detailed to-do list of all I needed to write.

2. Sautéed pierogies at 10am because who says cheesy potato pasta pockets can’t be breakfast food?

3. Fell asleep on the couch because the night before’s nightmares had resulted in fitful rest at best and digesting those cheesy potato breakfast pierogies felt like being gently swaddled from the inside.

4. Awoke and attempted to do some freelance work then realized that’s also writing and froze as if cursed by the spindle of a spinning wheel.

5. Spiraled about what an unhinged object a spinning wheel is to curse. Without the point on which to prick it doesn’t seem like a very menacing object at all. And how many people even owned spinning wheels back in the day? They weren’t looms, right? They were for spinning wool to make thread? What time period is Sleeping Beauty even set in?

6. Lamented on how I’d been cursed without the proof of a finger prick to become not a sleeping beauty (honestly, I wished) but a procrastination beauty at best, and a writers blocked old hag at worst.

7. Was mobilized by the old hag thought to stare into a reflective surface for the purpose of self-flaggelation, so I mapped my acne in the mirror like an astronomer charting constellations. At least the acne made me feel like a young hag.

8. Cursed my PMS for my newfound pimple galaxy — Milky by Way of pus.

9. Secretly thanked my PMS for being a somewhat viable excuse for not being productive.

10. Took a series of mirror selfies to commemorate the fateful pimple-and-pierogi-procrastination-plagued day.

11. Spent five hours (not exaggerating) reading, analyzing, and providing feedback on my friends’ writing.

12. Went downstairs to pick up a package from Mamaw — I’m not kidding — two books on writing. (Thank you! I love you!)

13. Started reading one of the books on writing.

14. Took a long walk through the park “for inspiration” and returned slick with sweat without it.

15. Watched the episode of The Office where Jim reveals he bought his childhood home without consulting Pam.

16. Regaled Adam with a diatribe about how stupid and unromantic it is to make a literal home purchase (to sign a mortgage!) without discussing it with your partner and how Jim is romanticized but often acts funny in a way more concerning than his eyebrow raises to the camera suggest. (Super original thought and definitely not something I delve into at length several times per quarter.)

17. Made Adam promise repeatedly to never buy a house for us without consulting me.

18. Did the dishes while listening to a podcast on writing.

19. Revisited the notes I made on what I needed to be writing.

20. Decided it was too late to begin so got into bed to sleep without writing.

21. Closed my eyes just long enough to believe I might drift off into a peaceful nightmare-free slumber in which none of my dead childhood pets turn into fully grown adult men while I’m cradling them in my arms, when I realized The Obstacle is the Way or whatever so I got up and wrote this.

Writing is a trip! I love to say so much of writing is thinking. But sometimes writing is doing anything but writing. Odds I’m able to finish my latest script draft to make my midnight deadline tomorrow? Send prayers.

Thanks for reading!

ily bye,

Ariana