#82: My 2024 Ins and Outs

HUMOR

Oopsie! I went on a holiday hiatus and only told the paid subs. If you want to reliably know what’s going on with me, pay up I guess! Just kidding. I meant to let you all know, but I got swept up in the festivities. Better comms in 2024, promise. And also less guilt for taking breaks, double promise.

Happy New Year to all! I hope you’re loving 2024 already. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a good one. Knock on wood! 

Because I am a citizen of the internet, I’ve created my own INs and OUTs list for the new year. Enjoy! 

IN

Men’s Sportsballers adding consensual kissing to their ass-slap, neck-grab, bro-hug embrace repertoire 

Doing a little jig in public

Snort-laughing 

Greedily gulping water and exhaling hard into the glass like a kid who just ran in from playing outside 

Toe hair 

Screaming for fun 

The library

Dropping to your knees, shaking your fist at the sky, dramatizing, exaggerating for effect, existing as a highly sensitive being, and generally overreacting — it’s called range babe, look it up

IBS — go ahead, shit a little (a lot)

“babygirl” as a gender neutral term for all 

Sap (emotional and tree)

Carrying a picture of your baby self in your wallet, referring to her as “my child,” and responding “318 months” when asked how old she is 

Chaos 

Sit-and-Spins

Quill pens

Your personal magnum opus 

Putting on a play with your cousins for the extended family (as adults) 

Spinning around in fields with your arms outstretched 

Handwritten letters

Human zoomies (after-poop optional) 

Failure

OUT

Migraines

Being mysterious

Saying “I read somewhere” when you know you watched a tiktok about it (even if you read the auto-generated captions this is LYING and you should not be ASHAMED of your TIKTOK ADDICTION, okay, ARIANA?! I mean, WHOEVER THIS APPLIES TO)

Girl Dinner — literally cook a five-course meal with an amuse-bouche right now

Looking up how to spell amooz-bush (just guess)

Sad books — sorry, no 

Apologizing, even if you’re blatantly wrong (unless you’re a man then it’s IN, even if you’re canonically right)

Crab Rangoon

That little preamble you do before saying something just in case it’s stupid so you have to let the person you’re speaking to know it might be stupid before they even hear it but now they know you think it might be stupid so they’re primed to think it’s stupid too even though it was never stupid at all you’re just anxious and need to be medicated 

Being cool (grow up)

Stubbing toes

Opening the microwave one second before it beeps — STOP silencing her

Silent farts (you also deserve to be heard)

“overnight success”

Lint

Comparison

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Please fight me in the comments if disagree with any of my INs and OUTs. And feel free to add your own!

ily bye,

Ariana