#64: It's My Birthday, I'll Cliche If I Want To
LISTICLE
Hi pals,
As of tomorrow, I will have been alive for 26 years! Woohoohoo! Yeehaw! Etc! In celebration, I’ve compiled 26 things I’ve learned in my wonderful little life. It’s my birthday, I’ll cliche if I want to.
Always stop to admire the dust particles dancing in a rogue ray of light. Don’t do the grownup thing of reminding yourself that those particles are very likely your own dead skin cells floating in the air. Just enjoy the beauty.
Talking to yourself is cool. Talking to yourself in written form in a bound book is cool and also wise.
Getting things right the first time is low-key boring. Like, what? That’s it? There’s no up from here? Failure is hot and also inevitable. Thank god.
Referring to yourself as “we” doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It means you’re aware of the different, distinct parts of yourself that have different, distinct needs. Also, we’re not supposed to say crazy anymore.
Do the things you loved as a child as much as humanly possible! You still love them! That means crooning Hillary Duff on the daily. This is mandatory.
Procrastinating makes you sick!!!! Literally stop!!! Will check in in another 26 years to see if this has sunk in yet. Will not be holding my breath.
Scary movies aren’t for everyone and they’re certainly not for you. This doesn’t make you uncool! Protect your peace! Start a petition to ban horror movie previews in non-horror movies at the theater. Dedicate your entire life to this cause. Hire the best lawyer this side of the Mississippi. Sue.
SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peppermint oil is an excellent migraine/headache salve. Offer it to everyone you know.
Those really putrid lingering farts aren’t normal. See a doctor. I’m 98% sure you have IBS.
Not all revelations need to be made public.
When you have a good (or intriguing or weird or half-decent) idea, for the love of god, write it down. Immediately.
Ask for what you want. Most people aren’t mind readers. For those of you who are mind readers, can you hear it when I address all potential mind readers within a certain radius when I’m in public? Is that annoying? Do I jam up your signal?
Gratitude is a superpower. Make the lists.
Talking/thinking about doing the thing is easier and more fun than actually doing the thing. But actually doing the thing is what makes the thing become real.
You don’t have to have a destination to take a walk. Just walk for the walk of it. You don’t need to justify getting some sun with the purchase of something or the distraction of a call. Walk to walk! You love walking!
Natural deodorant isn’t going to work, babe! Stop thinking this one will be different. Absorb the heavy metals through your pits and get over it.
Being weird is good. Duh.
Slope is calculated with y=mx+b.
That fruit and veg is not going to last as long as you think. Eat up, buttercup!
Know your values. Like, actually sit down and figure out what they are, so you can live by them.
Always embrace a silly goofy mood. Your own and others’.
Get off your MFing phone, honey!!!
Sometimes eggs are delicious, and sometimes they are the most disgusting creation on Earth. Ride the wave and don’t dissect it too much.
This list (and lists like them) will never be comprehensive. The world is not an oyster! It cannot be contained in a shell. This existence is expansive. Keep living and learning and fucking up.
I’m so proud of you.
It’s time for the annual BIRTHDAY SALE! Upgrade to a paid subscription anytime through the end of July and enjoy a sweet 26% off your first year. 🤪🦀🥳
If you love this newsletter, my words of affirmation heart would love to hear why! Comment below or reply to this email with your love for Respectful Smartass as a birthday gift to me. I may use your responses as testimonials. ❤️
Please celebrate in honor of my birthday this weekend. We’ve earned it!
ily bye,
Ariana