#35: Black Friday Blowout! Everything Must Go!
SALE
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Laughs for sale! Eye-rolling, belly-aching laughs for sale!
I’m typing this embarrassingly close to the deadline in a food coma that’s threatening to drag me under at any moment. We’re talking full plate, two servings of pie, no after-dinner nap typing. I’m hanging on for dear life.
The idea was to write a cute little Black Friday sale email parody where I would convince you to buy abstract crap you don’t need for 83% off, like INSERT THING HERE, because the allure of a sale is enough to make us forget who we are, everything we stand for, and that we actually don’t even like adult onesies regardless of their fun prints because they are too hot to exist in. But then I got sleepy, so I decided to actually do the thing I wanted to make fun of and give you a lil sale instead.
That’s right, lovelies! Daddy’s a sellout!
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Hope you’re enjoying this weekend with family, friends, and mall Santas. Don’t feel pressured to buy crap you don’t need! Unless it’s this newsletter because it’s actually clinically proven that you need this a lot.
srsly tho, thnkful 4 u <3
Ariana