#32: Why Get Back Out There When You Can Stay In Here?

SATIRE

We’ve all heard it. After a rejection, disappointment, or breakup, someone will invariably tell you to dust yourself off and get back out there. But why? Why not leave the dust on and get back in your house? I mean, shake off the dust or lint roll or whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, but don’t buy into the idea that you have to go out. What good ever came from being out in the big wide world? You can’t even microwave pizza rolls out there.

There’s no reason to get back out there when you can go back inside. Out there is full of rejection and uncertainty. In here is full of all those cozy blankets and yummy snacks you like. In here you don’t have to get dressed or brush your hair. Out there you have to wear pants and abide by the law. I mean, need I say more? The choice is clear. Never put yourself out there again. Cocoon forever. Citizen’s house arrest yourself. People can’t disappoint you if you literally never see them again!

Let’s do a little call and response. You do the bold.

Where do we wanna be? In our comfort zone! When do we wanna be there? Always!

Thanks for participating. You’re doing great.

It’s comfy cozy season, people. Time to hang up the ambition, give up on all our dreams, and take a nap. Be someone so comfortable Taylor Swift would dump you. It’s called self-care, sunshine.

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Jokes jokes! Don’t worry about me, blokes. I’m still getting out there like the rest of you good folks. Don’t choke on egg yolks. I wish I had cokes. (THE SODA, SHEESH.) Do I smell smoke? Someone’s burning oak. Frogs croak.

Happy November! Bye!

Ariana