#27: Not a Funny One

RAMBLE

Hey everyone,

This newsletter isn’t going to be a funny one. If that’s what you need today, go ahead and click out of this edition. My engagement rate will just have to deal with it.

Yesterday, I had to file a police report because a man has been stalking me at our apartment building. Initially, I thought he was my neighbor. Probably because he welcomed me to the building when we met. And because he’s always inside our gated property.

Before I knew he was sneaking into our complex to interact with me, I made a TikTok about a scary experience I had with him. It wasn’t really funny then either, but I was trying to make light of it. The truth is, I’ve barely been sleeping. And the little shut-eye I have gotten the last week has been with pepper spray strategically placed inches from my face.

You can watch the TikTok here.

@ariananewhouseFeeling super safe and secure!!! #onethingaboutme #superfreakygirl #creepyneighbor #yesallwomen

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Adam noted that I probably set some sort of record for getting a stalker so quickly after moving to LA. I’m not even famous yet. In your face, celebs!

On another note, we found out yesterday that our family dog, Lucky, is very ill. We’re still hoping for a miracle, but the vets are not optimistic. I am, of course, in LA and unable to be with my family during this difficult time. And I am, of course, also the only one in my nuclear family with brown eyes.

So while they all cry and get red and puffy, their sparkly blue and green eyes pop with the contrasting colors. My dad’s hazelly greens shine like red-rimmed Christmas ornaments. My mom and sisters’ sky blues pop like…I don’t know. Something where red and blue go together. The American flag or the Spidey suit. My turd browns just look like little puckered buttholes. It’s ruff. 🐶

I’m really sad. These jokes aren’t good. I told you they wouldn’t be. Here’s a photo of Lucky, who will definitely see this since he is an avid reader of the newsletter and I love him.

<3

On a lighter note, here are some newsletters you might like…

For the music lovers: Feed your ears! On Repeat is where music fans come to find something different. Like a mixtape for the digital age, Kevin's newsletter delivers a world of songs right to your inbox. Ready to liven up your playlists? Join 100s of other people and subscribe here!

For my tarot girlies:  Miriam Reads Tarot breaks down tarot interpretations and how each card can impact your life. Miriam believes tarot goes beyond divination. See how you can use it as an introspective mental health tool.

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I’m gonna need a tarot reading and an inspirational playlist after the week I’ve had.

Change is really hard. Moving across the country. Chasing a long-shot dream. Being away from family. Living in a place where you don’t know many people. All hard. Adding this double-whammy of trauma and loss on top of it? Super hard. (I know, this is sooooooo eloquent. My quarter-million-dollar degree in Creative Writing was totally worth it. This paragraph should win awards.)

This is all I can muster for now. I’m going to go cry into my pepper spray. I hope your day is better than mine. I promise next week I’ll be funny again. Please don’t unsubscribe. (Lmao can you hear the desperation?! This is my finest moment.)

Hugs (because I really need some),

Ariana