#18: A Mento Moment
Happy Friday! My shower schedule is a bit off, so I am typing stinky, but my breath is minty fresh because I just pounded an entire roll of mentos. Please remind me not to drink coke anytime soon. I’m not in the mood to geyser.
I must confess something to you, and I hope you won’t take it personally because I love you oh so much and can assure you totally honestly completely that this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you, but I’m still afraid it will be hard for you to hear. Are you ready? Take my metaphorical hand. Okay, here it is: I forgot about you this week.
I know, I know. How could I? I’m a monster. Etc. Etc. It’s just that I was home in Indy chilling with the dogs and fam and friends for a couple weeks, and upon returning to DC, I was goofin with Lauren for two days straight. It was all very lovely and nostalgic and fun, but after all that, I just needed to lay horizontally flitting in and out of consciousness today, basking in the silence of being utterly and completely alone. And, truthfully, it was bliss.
If you can forgive me, I hope you take some time to forget about me too. Go be by yourself and get off your email and maybe listen to some ASMR if you’re feeling quirky and want to relax Gen Z style. Or dance around your room pants-less to this absolute banger Lauren introduced to me this week. (Bonus: it feels like a big🖕to everything that sucks about the patriarchy rn.)
Update: I just ate a second roll of mentos in its entirety. I thought the mint would jumpstart some funny smarty writey part of my brain, but now I’m doing more air sucking to stir up a polar vortex in my mouth than I am typing. Should I chug some cold water and give my teeth sensitivity the fight of its life?
Update #2: Did the water chug. Big mistake. But I also feel alive?
I love mentos because they remind me of Mamaw and are basically gum you can eat. Do you think if I email this to the Mentos marketing team they’ll sponsor me?
This is devolving quickly. Unlike mentos with their long-lasting and timeless minty flavor. I think I need to go to bed. The genius is not flowing tonight, but the mento merriment (merry-MINT) is strong. @Mentos please pay my bills ilysm.
I promise you’ll be on my mind all week, and I absolutely won’t forget you. Catch ya next Friday with a funnier, chewier piece.
Wishing you mindful mento magic,